U2 will be the only guests on Thursday's episode of NBC's Late Night With Conan O'Brien.

Kiss will release the Rock the Nation Live! DVD on Dec. 6.

Doctor sued for sex treatment for back pain

SEATTLE (Reuters) - An Oregon woman whose doctor convinced her that he could cure her lower back pain by having sex with her is suing him and his medical clinic for $4 million, according to legal documents obtained on Monday.

The doctor, Randall Smith, who was 50 at the time, was stripped of his license and sent to jail for 60 days last year for charging the state's Oregon Health Plan $5,000 for his 45-minute "treatments" involving the woman.

"Dr. Smith's medical treatment included intercourse in which he told plaintiff was needed to help alleviate plaintiff's lower back and lower extremity pain," the former patient said in the lawsuit.

The lawsuit, which charges battery, negligence and intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress, was filed on Friday in Multnomah County court.

"We never comment on lawsuits," said a spokesman for the Adventist Medical Group clinic in Gresham, Oregon where Smith worked. Smith could not be located for comment.

Clocks in Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Keniko

very interesting and tempting.

It would depend on what happens this and early next week to see if I can get away and see either one of those shows.

Maybe we should post early next week and touch base.

Ozzy covers Lennon, Walsh on new album

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Newly recorded covers of John Lennon's "Woman," Joe Walsh's "Rocky Mountain Way" and the Moody Blues' "Go Now" will be found on the Ozzy Osbourne collection "Under Cover," due November 1 as a Dualdisc.

The remaining 10 cuts of the Epic Records set were released earlier this year on the "Under Covers" disc of Osbourne's boxed set "Prince of Darkness."

Among them are Mountain's "Mississippi Queen," which features that band's guitarist, Leslie West, King Crimson's "21st Century Schizoid Man," the Jeff Beck Group's "Hi Ho Silver Lining," Mott The Hoople's "All the Young Dudes" and the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil."

On the DVD side, fans will be treated to the featurette "Dinner With Ozzy and Friends," which finds him regaling his son Jack and Motorhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister with tales of rock'n'roll excess. A video for Ozzy's cover of the Beatles' "In My Life" is also included.

The Winner Is... Fake Dog Testicle Creator

BOSTON - Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention — prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.

What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max has turned into a thriving mail-order business. And on Thursday night Miller's efforts earned him a dubious yet strangely coveted honor: the Ig Nobel Prize for medicine.

"Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor," he said. "I wish they were alive to see it."

The Ig Nobels, given at Harvard University by Annals of Improbable Research magazine, celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

The product's Web site says Neuticles allow a pet "to retain his natural look" and "self esteem."

Although the Ig Nobels are not exactly prestigious, many recipients are, like Miller, happy to win.

"Most scientists — no matter what they're doing, good or bad — never get any attention at all," said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research.

Some, like Benjamin Smith of the University of Adelaide in Australia, who won the biology prize, actually nominated their own work. "I've been a fan of the Ig Nobels for a while," he said.

Smith's team studied and catalogued different scents emitted by more than 100 species of frogs under stress. Some smelled like cashews, while others smelled like licorice, mint or rotting fish.

Subject: Seplinlg

Don't delete this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt

PONDERISMS

*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

*Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

*Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

*There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

*Life is sexually transmitted.

*The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

*Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

*In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

*Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

*Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

*If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

*If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

*Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

*Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Chicken Surprise

'A is for Apple' on iPod

The Dallas Morning News - CARROLLTON – Even kindergartners are bringing iPods to class these days. But schools in the Carrollton-Farmers Branch district aren't confiscating the portable music players. They're paying for them.

The district's kindergartners jack up Apple iPods during class to help master vocabulary. In all grades, English as a second language students use the devices to learn the language.

"They beg for it," said Katie Stemmermann, a kindergarten teacher at Country Place Elementary. "They don't think of it as homework. It's a good connection between school and home, taking the classroom home."

What started in August as a pilot program in five schools could extend to all 27,000 students as part of the district's plan to use leisure technology to engage kids.

The district already has programs that give computers to families. It also lends PlayStations to elementary students for math games.

"It's a good way to break down those classroom walls," said Andy Berning, the district's chief technology officer. "Plus, it's inspiring and relevant to the kids, using tools that they use."

Carrollton-Farmers Branch is one of a handful of districts across the country finding ways to use iPods in schools. The idea came from Duke University, which gives iPods to all incoming freshmen.

The district bought 100 full-size iPods in August as part of a $31,000 pilot program involving two middle schools and two high schools. A private foundation bought 16 smaller iPod Shuffles for three kindergarten classes.

At Country Place Elementary School, ESL and native English speakers take turns bringing home 16 iPods. The iPods play 10 sing-along songs with familiar tunes but altered lyrics, such as "Hippo Hop," which is sung to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle."

Henrietta Hippo and Harvey too, went to the hop at the Zippity Zoo. They wiggled their hips and their tummies too, as they danced the hoola hoop at the hullabaloo.

"Phonemic awareness is the No. 1 tool for reading success," Ms. Stemmermann said. "Playing with the language is so important, being able to manipulate words."

There's no consensus in Ms. Stemmermann's kindergarten class on which song is best. " 'Marvin the Monkey' – it's so good," said Leo Cortez, 6.

Benito Otiniano prefers "Apple Annie." It helped him learn such words as apple, alligators and astronauts, he said.

Students do agree on one thing: "It's good homework," said Nicholas Omar, 5. "I feel happy when I take it home."

As the students progress, teachers change the content. The kids pick up the new vocabulary quickly but struggle to comprehend one of the rules.

"We have to tell them, 'You have to bring it back,' " said Lisa Stewart, another kindergarten teacher at Country Place. " 'You're borrowing it. You have to bring it back so your friends can use it, too.' "

The pilot program includes four other teachers at two middle schools and two high schools. Most of the iPods are used for English language learners.

At Newman Smith High School, a French teacher loads lessons onto iPods for his students, demonstrating Dr. Berning's goal: Get every student access to course lessons on MP3 files – the sound files used by iPods and other music players.

The idea is to get siblings and parents involved so that learning becomes a family affair. There's no way to monitor the content, so students could download other music files. But that's fine, so long as kids are also listening to the lessons, Dr. Berning said.

Pink Floyd News

cuthbert1776

How about having Dr. Suess on the iPod?

cuthbert1776

So where is Brown?

There is Brown!

He is upside down.

How about a larger iPod screen, which can show the text as it is spoken to you (with pictures).

Kind of like the Leap Frog series available now?

Reasons Your Home Office Is Not Working Out

5> Unlike your co-workers, your kids are smart enough not to buy your cover story of "naughty copier elves" when they find your butt-scans.

4> Every office has at least one total a-hole, and you're the only one there. You do the math.

3> Productivity has dropped now that *you're* the target of your sexual-harrassment shenanigans, as you're having to take multiple masturbation breaks a day.

2> Distracted by all the weeds, horses and wide-open spaces, you just nominated Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.

and the Number 1 Reason Your Home Office Is Not Working Out...

Keniko & mikesb

Eric Clapton has signed a publishing deal said to be worth about $5 million to write his autobiography.

Daniel Craig Unveiled As New James Bond

LONDON - Daniel Craig was introduced Friday as the first blond James Bond and only the second Englishman to star as Agent 007 in the movie series.

Craig's selection was revealed as he was whisked down the Thames River aboard a military boat to a news conference.

Craig replaces Pierce Brosnan in the role of the suave spy in "Casino Royale," due in theaters next year.

"I'm speechless," the star said, after posing for photos with producer Barbara Broccoli and director Martin Campbell.

"Daniel is a superb actor who has all the qualities needed to bring a contemporary edge to the role," Broccoli and Campbell said in a statement.

Producers announced last year that they were seeking a replacement for Brosnan, who has played Bond in the last four films.

Craig, 37, is the first blond actor to play agent 007. Relatively unknown outside Britain, he has had a busy career that includes roles in the landmark 1990s British TV drama "Our Friends in the North" and films including "The Mother," "Enduring Love" and "Layer Cake."

He played Paul Newman's sinister son in "Road to Perdition," was poet Ted Hughes opposite Gwyneth Paltrow's Sylvia Plath in "Sylvia" and appeared in this year's thriller "The Jacket" with Adrien Brody.

Craig is also the tabloids' dream Bond. He once dated headline-grabbing model Kate Moss and has been linked to Sienna Miller, his "Layer Cake" co-star and on-off fiancee of Jude Law.

Earlier this year, Craig praised 007 as "an iconographic figure in moviemaking."

"I think you'd have to be stupid not to consider something like that," he said, but added that he hadn't given the role "any serious thought."

The film's producers tried to keep their decision secret, but Craig's mother told the tabloid Sun newspaper she was "thrilled to bits."

Ian Fleming's first Bond novel, originally published in 1953, "Casino Royale" is one of the few Bond adventures not to feature the MI6 gadget-maker Q. It was previously filmed as a 1967 spoof starring Peter Sellers.

mikesb

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

One day Little Johnny got curious and asked his mother, "Where do white babies come from?"

His mother answered "The stork."

Little Johnny then asked, "Where do black babies come from?

"His mother replied, "Ravens."

Then Little Johnny asked, "Where do no babies come from?"