Michelle: Thanks for the good vibes, they are very much appreciated. The Green Bologna sounds like a song title to me. I'll have to start working on that one lol. And as far as Austin rigging the tournament, I feel pretty good about it. Now it Stu's Bass Solo was one of the selections and it made to the final four I'd get a lil suspicious lol.

This place is really starting to suck. Consistently. This has been, by far, my favorite place on the net to come to for the last six years. It's always been cool, a great big family. A dysfunctional family, but a family nonetheless. The great thing about this place is that it's not monitored, there are no rules, and it we don't have to worry about pissing off an administrator or monitor. Or at least we didn't until now. If this shit keeps up, we're either going to end up with a bullshit monitored forum just like every other site out there, or this place will just go away period. Joe pays Jon to have this section of the website for all of his fans to come together and talk about all kinds of stuff. It gives him a direct link to what his fans are into, what they like and don't like about this or that and so on. I doubt very seriously if he has a bad environment that makes fans uneasy or unwelcome in mind when he writes the check to Jon every month for this place. I'm not blaming anyone for this, because we are all at fault, in one way or another, myself included. At this stage, blame is irrelevant anyway. Everyone just needs to get over themselves and move on or else this place will die. Thanks Joe, for giving us this place and the freedom to say what we want. I'm sorry that we are all fucking it up.

Wow, Joe's been around a bit has he? That's damn cool. Of course I wasn't around. Never am. Always missing him. After six years, I've never caught him on here. That's ok though. Everyone else here is cool enough to make up for that.

Ovation: Fresh supply of bologna in stock for the dog lol. Oh, and what was the stuff about Gilbert that Ethn was talking about? Email me if you can.

death cube K: As far as how I'm feeling, kinda strange. Mentally I'm pretty good. Physically I'm for shit. The meds tend to make me a lil aggressive and a bit edgy. So I really have to concentrate on not losing my cool about just about anything. I'm still not allowed to drive (been cheating some) and I'm a terrible passenger so that's when I lose it the most. Memory isn't working all that great either. Trying to keep myself distracted and busy. I've got a million song ideas in my head that my fingers aren't capable of producing at the moment, which is also getting frustrating, but I'm gonna trudge on. This doesn't seem like a good place to stop so I'm gonna keep groovin on.

The Bob: If you haven't purchased that Steve Stevens cd yet, go do it right now. It's very cool.

Culox: My sincerest condolences to you. I lost a friend last week to cancer. I know that now he's in a better place. Try your best to remember that.

Fruit suits? LMAO

Plum Loco: I was able to check out some of your songs man, and I'm glad to see you're still kicking ass. Great stuff, and great vibe on the live track. Keep em comin.

Master Yoda: Some very cool stuff there indeed. Really dig Missing You. Very nice ideas there.

Austin: Why the hell was Jeff Beck with the White Stripes?

Wow, all these youngin's not knowing about Fripp is making me feel old lol. To all of those that are asking who he is, rest assured you'll be quite impressed. Very cool stuff. I would have much preferred him to Yngwie.

Clarky: "a tour story that is clean, family entertainment that does not incriminate any member of the band or crew in any way" Who the hell wants to hear a story like that? lol

guitarded boy: lol on the toothbrush attachment. I'm working on fitting a garden hose on my Les Paul at the moment.

Alexandre: Carpe Diem! Seize the Carp! Just kidding. Bad reference to a silly movie! Keep us posted on your album progress. Take care.

death cube K: Are you on top of getting him a copy? If not give me a shout and I'll send it to Mick.

r6rocker: Guess what I'm working on? I'm getting way ahead of myself with all of my medical shit, but I've been prepping an 01 748 mono for the track. I hate safety wire lol, but it's gonna be fun if everything works out. I also forgot how expensive all this shit can be. You wouldn't believe what you have to go through to degree cams on a desmoquattro motor. The Testeretta's are so much better, but not in the budget this year lol.

Personal Opinion Poll: Who is the most underated guitarist in rock and roll? My pick: Brad Whitford.

Sorry if I missed anything else. Did a lot of skimming to catch up.

Quote of the day: "The gift of quotation is a servicable substitute for wit." Can't remember who said that one.

I think it's time everyone had a laugh in here. As some of you may recall, a few months ago there was a debate in here over "mindless" music. At the time I recorded a song about it, but due to the ineptness of IUMA and mp3.com was unable to upload it for everyone's enjoyment. Well, I just remembered it, and put it on my soundlick. Everyone please keep in mind that it's a joke. Would have been more relevant at the time of the discussion, but in a way it has timeless appeal for us T2J'ers. You'll see what I mean in the intro. Will attempt to catch up now. Enjoy everyone :)

Well, here's an abridged version of what I spent an hour and a half typing up:

OK, I guess I'm finished pouting about loosing my extra long post. Here we go, catching up round 2.

Michelle: Thanks for the continued support. I've been watching a bit of Python lately, so be on the lookout for some comedic nonsense in the not too distant future. Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have broken ribs. Then it's your worst enemy lol

mikesb: Thanks, and I'll have to check him out. That's why I was asking, to find out about some cool people I've probably never heard of or just overlooked.

Austin: Ha, I knew you were gonna dig my choice for most underrated lol. I don't know what made me think of him, but he's a solid and anyone and has more talent than I could ever dream of. If I could play half as well as him I'd be a very happy man. I like to listen to what rhythm guys do, because that's what I consider myself to be. I'm just to much of a control freak to work with another guitarists to play lead for me lol.

Clarky: Too many "me"s in the stories huh? lol, not exactly protecting the innocent, is it? Anyway, could you do me a favor? Back when I first started writing/recording, you listened to a few of my songs and had some nice things to say as well as a few pointers. I was wondering if you might consider doing that again, to see how I've improved/declined in that amount of time. You can check out my most recent stuff here. If you can, that would be great, if not, that's cool too. Thanks.

Slanshroom: Thanks man, I'm glad you shared that. That sucks about being out of commission for so long, I'm glad you made a comeback. I've been writing down my music ideas so that I can come back to them when my fingers are working properly again. Hopefully the notes I'm writing will make sense to me in the future lol.

OCPS470: Thanks for the offer Chris, but I am bound and determined to finish this project. It's too close to my heart and too close to being done to give up now. And if I give up on it, it's like me giving up. Kinda a mental thing I guess. Anyway, thanks to everyone for their patience on this. It's gonna happen, I swear it is. If anyone involved has any questions or concerns, please feel free to email me. Crushingday62: I know it's getting frustrating, but have faith, I'm gonna get this done. Time has been an issue. Between going to the doctor's office all the time, weekly bloodwork at the lab, bi-weekly catscans and x-rays, and the occasional MRI, on top of working 70 hours a week and moving my fiancee in with me, I've been spread really thin. It's gonna happen, believe me, have faith. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm gonna finish this thing if it kills me, and again, the pun is intended.

UF Dean: Thanks for putting up the transcript of the chat up. I was late getting on that night so I couldn't get in. Looks like it was short but sweet.

r6rocker: Yeah, I think the 748 will be fun when I'm ready for her. In the 600 class she's a bit of an underdog, but that ok. If it works out ok, I'll get a 749S next year. Adjustable steering angle sounds like something I need. Like I can utilize/tell the difference lol. And on the 999R, I'd be more than happy to take one of those to the track. You feel like sponsoring me? What's $32,000 among friends?

OK, to avoid problems like I had earlier, I'm going to post this but up now. With my hands behaving the way they do, it takes me forever to type this stuff, so I'm not gonna chance it this time.

Round II Section B

Everyone: Definitley check out Dave Watkinson's (PhryDom) CD Saturdays and Sundays. Great playing, great songwriting. Great CD.

kevt03: I'll check out your stuff this evening if possible.

Ovation: The dog has been bribed to forget about the dreaded "Bologna Incident" forever. He just had some filet mignon. The only way he could be happier is if I had his nuts sewn back on lol. Oh, and don't forget me on the Gilbert thing.

$.02 on EVH: If you take away evey solo the man has ever played, he's still one of the most original, inventive and kickass rhythm players the world has ever seen. He contains the essential elements for good riff writing: Pinpoint accuracy mixed in with a good dose of lovely slop.

PhryDom: I couldn't agree with you more, regarding Mark's (death cube K) playing. Totally kickass, wonderful range of ideas, and always full of surprises. Wicked licks and a wonderful touch. I'm not on my home computer, so I don't have his link readily available, but someone here does, so post it so more people can check it out. Oh, and sorry to hear that you are "affection challenged" lol. Good one, Clarky.

death cube K: Incase you didn't see my earlier post about my own problems with playing Stairway with my penis. I always end up getting these incidental harmonics when my nuts graze the strings. How do you combat that. And by the way, Tapping and Sliding in the Loo" is gonna be the title to my debut album. That's genius lmao.

Jazzy Boy: Yeah, the Great Kat does some pretty impressive stuff. Not my cup of tea, but impressive nontheless. By the way, I loved the "tuna melt" bit.

Megaboyd: Missed a show? You've been a bad monkey! Ron Jeremey? Can you do that trick he's famous for?

UF Dean: Thanks, Mindlessness was funny I thought. Also, on Clarky's theory posse stuff, there's a section at Matt's site where he had been posting it up, I think that's what you're thinking of. Anyway, again, no link to give you, but I think you can find it at courseofevolution.com. Check it out, great stuff in there.

OK, I think that covers everything. I hope so. My hands are killing me. Take it easy everyone. And don't forget to smile. I'll leave you with a quote of the day from the archives: "There isn't a shred of evidence that exists supporting the idea that life is at all serious." Again, can't remember who said it, my memory really sucks anymore.

Later all, peace. Tru

Edit: Link fix.

UF Dean: Cool man, glad you found it. Tons of cool info there, most way over my head. Good luck with it.

death cube K: Yeah man, go ahead and send it, same addy as always. Would love to check it out.

Michelle: Is that the latest one that Williams has done? I think I saw that last year on HBO, if so it's hilarious and you're right, I need to own it. Didn't realize it was available.

2 Ton: That's a great question. Here's the way I see music trends and the business in the past from, let's just say the eighties to now: Grunge killed the hair bands because at the end of the hair band run, most everyone sounded the same. They started out as individuals, then the labels got a hold of them and turned them into hit making machines. Same hair, same videos, same licks, same chicks and so on. The labels do that. They take something that is new, and spend time polishing it to a point that a wider audience can digest it to broaden the marketability. Same thing happened to Grunge after that. It was all about raw independence until the labels got a hold of them, and then they were mainstream for a few years and gone again. Nu-metal's the same way I think. They're getting their formulas down, and after a couple more years will have shoved themselves down everyone's collective throats long enough for people to be starving for something new. Which, getting back to your question, will undoubtedly be: Polkas. Polkas in drop D tuning.

Austin: I tried the back button. Believe me, I did. AOL sucks. Would have been fine if I used Explorer, but no, I'm too stupid for that lol. Regarding Whitford, the album you were referring to, what's the title and what's the band name? I'd like to try to find it.

PhryDom: Like I told Austin, no luck at all with the back button. And sorry about the link! It's Paul's fault, I copied his link from the other day! Slap him when you see him lol. And on the software, thanks but I don't know if I have the patience required to program my vocabulary into one of those things. I appreciate the thought though.

crushingday62: No worries man, I know where you are coming from. I'd have been jumping up and down daily if I were in your shoes, so don't sweat it.

Master Yoda: That's a whole lot more like it. I said that the game needed some blood when I played the other version lol. Oh, and I got myself 809.3! I kick ass. Well, the mines help out quite a bit lol.

Quote of the day: "Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." Nietzsche

Edit: Bold god denied! Off to work, have a good day everyone.

PhryDom/r6rocker: Sounds like you two will have the gloves on tomorrow lol. One of you two may end up being in The Institute for Research Into Repeated Concussion though lol.

Ovation: Yeah, I thought that intro fit so well. Avarice would be quite proud I'm sure lol. Oh, and thanks for the Gilbert info. Strange stuff, but in the end it matters not. Gilbert still kicks ass!

Clarky: "...and some tits out to cap it off." You never cease to kill me man, LMFAO! Also, as far as which songs, I'll give you a quick rundown of them. 1st is Mindlessness. You must listen to it because it is a joke. It was meant to be funny and has little or no musical value. But it's funny. 2nd is Wednesday Morning Jam. Three minutes of improvised riffing and the only reason I put it up was because I haven't been able to record anything new so I was bored and uploaded it one day. 3rd comes Eyes Full of Hate. This is the only song I've recorded this year and the only one written after my onslaught of seizures. 4th is When You Smile. Christmas present written for my woman. Kinda sweet and groovy at the same time. 5th Miranda Rights. Inspired by the lil woman again, but a departure from anything I've ever done previous or since. Recorded last July. 6th is Me Foot. Recorded sometime last year, can't remember when exactly, in the summer I guess. Probably the most "me" song on the site. 7th Lost Expedition. Aptly titled as it was in my eyes a failure, but I posted it to get some constructive criticism on it. The riff is pretty cool. Anyway, that's the lot of them. You can check them out here. And if you need my old stuff as a reference or anything, click here. Thanks in advance, and listen to as little or as many as you feel like or have time for.

Michelle: I think it's the one I was thinking of. I'll definitely look for it next time I'm in the store. Thanks.

kevt03: Man, I listened to it last night and completely blanked on letting you know. Sorry about that, but anyway, I dug it. At first I thought the solo was mixed way low, but then it presented itself. It has a definite groove to it, which I'm all about groove so big points for that.

Alexandre: Hope you like the new tune, but don't forget it was meant to be funny. Can't have anyone thinking I was serious about it or anything lol.

eta: Big Congrats! That's awesome news. Hope everything works out well for you. Best of luck.

Part I of II. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just wrap it up quick like everyone else? Because if I talked to myself this much people would think I was insane. If I'm typing incessantly, it appears as if I'm working diligently on something.

Part II of II: The Autumn Years

jellyman: Thanks and yeah, you're right about Cleese. The first quote is from The Holy Grail (the French soldiers at the castle) and the one after the toilet flush is from the television series but I can't remember which episode. Both of those as well as the toilet flush and big moooo I got from this place. Tons of cool stuff there, if you have a lot of time to waste have at it.

death cube K: Cool and cool. Beware of the soap. Will cause all sorts of problems in the wrong situations lol

Austin: Yeah, I know, what am I thinking lol. And thanks for that link, sounds like it'd be cool to check it out. I'll keep an eye out for it next time in the used music store. Tons of stuff I'm supposed to be looking for in there lol

michelle/guitared boy: Wade? Sarah? Did I miss something? Or do I want to know?

2 Ton: An octave pedal and possibly a wah might be in order for that lol.

OME: Thanks man, the backing definitely has some attitude to it. I may mess with it at some point.

Tastey: I really like Vai's The Riddle for that situation, until he starts in with that pledge of allegiance action. Nothing against the Pledge or anything, but it definitely isn't sexy lol. Two other Vai songs I like for that are Feathers and Essence. Oh, and Oooo. OK, off the Vai wagon for a bit. Concrete Blonde's Mexican Moon. Most of Robert Plant's The Principle of Moments. The Doors' Five to One and Riders on the Storm. Van Halen's Black and Blue. And of course a couple from Joe. Clouds Race Across the Sky, Why and Woodstock Jam. Just kidding on the last one lol. But anyway, excellent question. I need to put a disc together lol.

Austin: You rock man, thanks for all that info that I missed today!

Jazzy Boy: There isn't a McDonald's in space, but I'm almost positive there's a Taco Bell.

OK, time to put a cork in it for a minute. Or six.

Joeman9: It's $369.80 for converting currencies click here

JS10th on ebay

Or perhaps a 90th Anniversary Jem

OK, I'm off work now so I can put up a proper post. Or an improper depending on how bored you might get reading these outbursts of mine lol.

Michelle: Oh that makes a lil more sense now lol. I was like, "What the hell are they talking about?" lol

Happy Birthday to Sky Ant, String G and Megaboyd!

Clarky: Cool man, no hurry. They aren't going anywhere so whenever you have time will be great. It's very much appreciated. You're going to master your album in Ohio? Really? I'm maybe six hours away from there. Might have to hook up whenever that happens.

Shogun Vai: Hi, welcome to the site errr...MIKE! You had be scratching my head for a sec lol.

Jellyman: I'll have to do some more research into which episode it's from. I have the entire series on DVD so I'm sure I'll come across it eventually.

TASTEY: Sorry about your bad luck on the tire. Chivalry is dead and it's a shame. I still open all the doors (car included) and pull out the chair for my lady. I don't see too many others doing that anymore though. I guess I'm part of a dying breed. Oh well.

962: "#?@! Yourself" without the lyrics would actually be pretty good for that lol. Oh, and another great Vai tune for shagging would be "Opposites Attract Part 2".

PhryDom: LOL So what exactly is Paul's beverage? Is he drinking some sort of sissy drink and then giving me hell for drinking my Crown? lol And regarding Tesla, I'm not really familiar with the story. I know he was some sort of genius inventor and I'm pretty sure the band is named after him but that's about all I know.

Artanis I: Ben Evolent? I think that's my favorite so far lol. And regarding Taco Bell, is Pepsi very popular in Australia? Taco Bell is one of the many fast food chains that PepsiCo owns. You aren't missing much.

zonin: Did you happen to notice any cameras or recording gear at the show? I'd love to see a DVD of that come out.

Joeman9: Is what real? The links to the guitars I posted? Those are quite real. Unreal prices, but unfortunately accurate.

On the 3rd G: Has Fripp actually ever been a part of G3? I knew he opened or something of that nature but didn't think he was actually a "G" himself. I guess maybe an F#. Anyway, the way they scheduled the Euro tour was to based off of how well the U.S. tour went. I suppose Yngwie went ahead and made plans with Lynch so Fripp's just helping the guys out. I don't know. Just my own wild speculation so take it with a grain of salt. Or two. Hell, the whole bag of salt. Somebody just take all the salt from my house. And the neighbor's too. My god. I'm loosing it. 4 months no weed and it's finally taken it's toll.

Jazzy Boy: Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's beer in space. But it's light beer. Get it? Light year/light beer? OK, I'm an idiot. I'm gonna go watch somebody get blown up on tv. Have a good weekend all.

Greg M: Cool, I didn't know that. Well, then just cross out everything I just said then lol

Jazzy Boy:

Whispering a Prayer
Surfing with the Alien
Tears in the Rain
SMF (close though, I love 'em both for way different reasons)
Bad Horsie
Borg Sex
Lights of Heaven
Cryin
Flying in a Blue Dream

and...

Speed vs. Speed of Light (Speed of Light)
Selfless Love vs. Love Thing (Love Thing)
Angel Food vs. Devil's Slide (works for me) (Angel Food)
Frank vs. Brother John (ok, stretching it a bit) (Frank)
Iberian Jewel vs. Crystal Planet (Last stretch) (Crystal Planet)
An Earth Dweller's Return vs. Dweller on the Threshold(Dweller on the Threshold)

Warm Regards vs. Until We Say Goodbye (tough, but Warm Regards)
Blowfish vs. The Snake (The Snake)
Dyin' Day vs. New Day (New Day)
The Cryin' Machine vs. Time Machine (Time Machine)

OK dammit I'm done!

Alright, one more. Alive in an Ultra World vs. (You're) My World (You're My World)

Now I'm really done.

I think.

Maybe not.
Rescue Me or Bury Me vs. You Saved My Life (You Saved My Life)
The Road to Mt. Calvary vs. Mountain Song (Mountain Song)
Answers vs. Why (Why)

I'm turning this damn thing off now!

Mind simply refuses to stop.
Tender Surrender vs. Attack (Attack)
The Power of Bombos vs. The Power Cosmic 2000 I&II (Power Cosmic)
Sofa vs. Sittin' Round (Sittin' Round)
Blood and Tears vs. A Piece of Liquid (A Piece of Liquid)

Not even gonna pretend I'm done at this point.

See, I'm hopeless.
Drive the Hell out of Here vs. Driving At Night (Driving at Night)
Lucky Charms vs. Banana Mango I&II (Banana Mango)
Asian Sky vs. Moroccan Sunset (Asian Sky)
Here I Am vs. I Am Become Death (I Am Become Death)

Yeah, I think I just spun a bearing though lol! Time for a rebuild. No wait, The Ultra Zone vs. The Extremist (Extremist. Just barely.)

Dammit! Last one I promise, and it's a stretch. Aching Hunger vs. Mystical Potato Head Groove Thing (Mystical)

I'm ready for a nap now. Later all. Peace.

howdy folks! question for all. does anyone here work in an emergency room? if so, could it possibly be explained to me the theory behind the "stretchers come before people" mentality? yesterday morning i had another episode and miranda found me unconscious on the floor. instead of calling an ambulance she, all 115 lbs of her dragged me, all 200 lbs of me to the car and took me to the emergency room. a security guard picked me up and put me in a wheelchair and in we went. and then waited. and waited. and waited some more. after five hours still nothing. she went to complain and the check in nurse said that "stretchers come before people" as in the people from the ambulances. now i'm sure a lot of these people were in more urgent need of immediate care than i was, but not all of them. of course i have no way of knowing this because the entire time i'm still unconscious. never once awoke to see what was going on. perhaps they assumed i was high or something. anyway, miranda finally flipped out enough to get the same security guard to take me to her car and she took me to another hospital where upon seeing my condition, still out like a light, and hearing the circumstances, had me in a bed within 2 minutes and hooked up to a variety of devices within 5. strange day indeed.

by the way, apologies for not using caps, right hand completely folded now, all legato on the keyboard. right hand useless as tits on a boar. did a lot of skimming, well, not a lot, check last few hours stuff. will catch up at a later date.

alexandre: best wishes to your father. hope all turns out well. mental attitude can make all the difference in the world. make sure to keep his mood light and relatively happy if possible. warm regards to you my friend.

let's see, playlists? the only stuff i listen to on my computer is everyone's stuff around here and recently that's been mostly death cube K, plum loco, master yoda and clarky. cds in the changer at the moment are louis armstrong and duke ellington- the great summit, frank zappa- have i offended someone, rush- caress of steel, leo kottke- 6 and 12 string guitar, megadeth- hidden treasures. most played joe album- time machine disc 1. least- time machine disc 2 (don't know, just works out that way)

Hi, I'm Bil's fiancee, Miranda. Bil had asked me to post a message here if things got bad and now they have. Last thursday the doctors changed his anti-seizure medicine and his body rejected it. He collapsed here at home and quit breathing. His heart stopped in the ambulance and twice at the hospital. He stabilized enough on saturday to be taken off life support but is still in a coma. The doctors are concerned with how long he went without oxygen. I can only hope the CPR was enough to keep his brain alive. Bil would kill me for this, because he isn't at all relegious, but I beg you all to pray for him. He loves this place and everyone here very much and talks about you all often. I feel strange telling you all this, not knowing any of you. I came here several times over the last few days and haven't been able to finish typing this. I don't know what else to say. I'll come back when I know more. If anyone wants to, they can email me at Bil's address since I'm using his screen name. Thank you all for listening.

I don't know what to say. Thank you all so much for this. I have to say I am very overwhelmed by all the messages and emails for Bil. I had no idea how many people would respond, let alone Mr. Satriani himself. Thank you all. This morning I printed out the messages from here and read them to him. The doctor says that his brain waves indicate he can hear us so tonight I'm taking some of his music with me for him to listen to. I also took one of his guitar pics with me and put in his hand. Normally, when he gets nervous he will flip them around in his hand like some people do with coins. He hasn't done that, but at least he can hold on to it. Thank you all once again, I'm going to print out some more to read to him tonight. God bless you all.

I'm sorry I haven't been back to give updates. I've been at the hospital full time for the last couple days. We had a big scare last night. Out of the blue he just flat lined. The alarm on the monitor is going off and I'm going crazy, screaming for help. Then I hear "Honey, please turn your damned clock off and get back into bed." He had pulled the sensor thing off of him while trying to roll over, and yes, he spoke! I couldn't believe my ears, I was crying didn't know what to think. I kept watching and listening, trying to make sure I wasn't crazy and he didn't say or do anything else for another 15 hours! But today he did wake up. Thank you everyone! I just know that everyone's prayers helped him. He's not quite himself, but he's doing good. Tonight I read him all the messages from here and he actually cried. He'll kill me for telling you all that. He said to tell you all thank you and that he misses you all very much. He couldn't believe that even Joe had said something, he was very touched by that. Thank you Joe. There's a lot more to tell, but I haven't had any sleep since the day before yesterday, but I'll write more tomorrow. I think his brother is going to bring in a laptop so he can write a message to everyone himself. Thank you all once again. Now I'm ready to sleep for a week. lol

hey everyone, i'm back. kinda. just wanted to tell you all how grateful i am to be a member of this family. thanks to everyone here, my god you guys came out of the woodwork for me. even joe himself. wow. i'm truly speechless. i think you guys know what i'm thinking.

now, i need to dismiss some misinformation. i think miranda over reacted a bit to what was up. here's the full story: "he collapsed here at home" = i tripped over her shoes. "quit breathing" = doing my part to cut down on carbon monoxide levels in the living room. "heart stopped in the ambulance and twice at hospital" = my heart's been working for almost 29 years straight with no time off. union steward insisted on a break. "life support" = just trying to hook the hospital up with something to bill for. they don't have enough money coming in you know. "coma" = taking a much needed extended nap. "cpr" = she was trying to make out with me. and regarding last night's post, "he cried" = bullshit. complete fabrication. didn't happen. suffered a temporary gasket failure with eyelids. they're gonna fix it while i'm here.

they let me eat a wee little bit today. not much, just a few bites of something they claim is food. was interrupted by some condescending little bastard that was studying people's stories about being in a coma. he said, "so what do you remember about it?" i said, "you know when you rub your eyes real hard and see a bunch of colors? it's nothing like that." he didn't laugh, he looked annoyed. so i baited him. i told him i was in a thick forest and this very old man with long white hair and beard walked up to me. the old man said, "hello, my son." the interviewer seemed very interested now and asked what happened next. i told him i replied with, "fuck off old man!" couldn't resist it sorry. avarice would be proud lol. anyone here, please don't be offended by what i said to him. i only meant to offend him. and it worked. he left. and for the record, before you ask, it's like nothing at all. a very deep, dreamless sleep. no voices, no lights. waking up is a mother fucker though. feel like i've had the shit beat out of me. throat is as dry as a desert stone. penis extremely mad about the catheter (he'll never forgive me for this i know) and i'm starving but not allowed much due to stomach shrinkage. also i can't walk. will have to "relearn walking". what the fuck is that all bout? how do you forget to walk in a week? i think they brainwashed me. more money for the rehab center.

ok, time to bother people in surrounding rooms with some satch. i got in trouble this morning for listening to it too loudly. if all the other patients are in coma's, how can it possibly bother them I asked. no sense of humor here at all.

on a more serious note, i need to publicly thank miranda for literally saving my life. if it weren't for her i wouldn't be here anymore. i plan on spending the rest of a very long life showing her how much i appreciate it.

quote of the day: "i don't understand how someone can joke about something so dreadfully serious." loser interviewer dude as he stomped out earlier. hahaha

Jon: The new site looks great! Awesome job, as always. Enjoy yourself in Holland and rest assured you have some happy campers here in Satchland.

I had this plan of thanking everyone that sent well wishes on here and in emails, and the list got pretty big. But anyways, here goes:

Thanks to TASTEY, SupaaDave, Quito, Master Yoda (the best one imo "Shit" couldn't have said it better myself lol), Stu Clone, mick87, slanshroom, metalkneeskydog, Ya Yo Gakk, death cube K, Greg M, Do The Stu (in desperate need of something simple to do, post round 2 soon please!), dragonchild, Joeman9, Megaboyd, Jazzy Boy, Sammy Andrews, Joe Satriani (how cool is that? damn cool, that's how cool), mikesb, juju808, Loo Who, michelle (thanks Mom, lots of love for you too :) ), ToneCapone, jimbojim, OCPS470 (nothing newsworthy yet, but I'm feeling pretty damn good compared to before, kinda odd), UnknownOrigin, Artanis I, Plum Loco (was that a little "Dogma" quote? lmao man, thanks), Matt Martinez, Powerslave214, OME, Ollyno1uk, eta, VFRrocker (awesome bike choice by the way, you'll love it and I'm jealous), Clarky (and hell yeah, post your review whenever, and don't take it easy on me out of pity or I'll do, umm, something bad, very very bad.), mowlie2000, Mr. Nick, mischevious, 962, JS JS, alexandrecaetano (you're right, she is an angel), migupais, Sharif (thanks for the words), marimariSRV, GODGUNSGUITARS, Shogun Vai (was wondering where you made off to), DannyK, UF Dean, matt king, Greyfox88, Guitarcake, climber (did you have extreme mood swings afterwards?), Delfino Pie (of course you're a friend, this is a big family ya know, kick back and watch the dysfunction at work lol), jellyman (who is no longer local, jellyman from far away), Zach, Mahavishnu, PhrygianDominant (I'll do it this once, but for now on I'm calling you PhryDom lol, 'bout time you got your ass back in here.), anuj (happy belated birthday), Naty (thanks for the note, you're too kind).