Plumber takes a leak, doesn't fix it

LONDON (Reuters) - A plumber was fined and given a community service order on Tuesday after being captured on hidden cameras urinating into a vase in a customer's attic and pouring the contents into the central heating system.

Roy Williams, 47, was caught in the act by trading standards officers who had rented the house in Leatherhead and rigged it with cameras as part of a sting operation to check on tradesmen.

The plumber had been called out to fix a simple fault but instead missed this and charged 203 pounds for unnecessary work, Steve Playle of Surrey trading standards told Reuters.

Williams then urinated into a vase, poured the urine into the hot water tank and rinsed the vase in the cold water tank.

The plumber denied the charges, claiming he had a medical condition which meant he needed the toilet regularly and had been overcome by the sound of running water.

Amorous couple spark rescue drama

LONDON (Reuters) - A couple who headed out to sea in a dinghy for an amorous liaison sparked a major rescue operation when their cries of passion were mistaken for someone in trouble, police said on Tuesday.

A passer-by raised the alarm after hearing strange noises coming from the waters near a beach in Torbay on Saturday morning, prompting the coastguard to send lifeboats and police to the scene.

"It was found that there was a partially-clothed couple in a small rubber dingy that were brought ashore and asked to put their clothes back on," a spokesman for Devon and Cornwall police told Reuters.

Darth Does DVD

Revenge is sweet on DVD.

The much heralded final installment in George Lucas' epic Star Wars saga, Star Wars: Episode III--Revenge of the Sith, will be released on DVD galaxy-wide Nov. 1, Lucasfilm and 20th century Fox Home Entertainment jointly announced Tuesday.

The release, timed for the holiday shopping onslaught, will likely be one of the year's top sellers. Not only is Revenge of the Sith the biggest moneymaker of 2005, setting box office records and generating $784 million and counting in worldwide ticket sales, it also means that all six Star Wars films will be available on DVD for the first time.

The DVD will be released as a two-disc set augmented by a feature-length making-of documentary, two new featurettes (one of exploring Anakin Skywalker as the prophesized "Chosen One" and the other providing a behind-the-scenes glimpse of the movie's stunts) and the 15-part collection of Lucasfilm's Webisodes on the film.

"From the beginning of the production, George wanted to be sure we chronicled everything that went into the making of Episode III specifically to create an incredible DVD experience," says Jim Ward, vice president of marketing and distribution for Lucasfilm. "This DVD has literally been three years in the making and it's going to be a fantastic way to complete the Star Wars saga at home."

There was no immediate word on whether Lucas would do a full-length commentary, as he has done for previous DVD releases. Lucasfilm says it will release further details at a later date.

The previous two prequels, Star Wars: Episode I--The Phantom Menace and Star Wars: Episode II--Attack of the Clones, included commentary from Lucas, as well as producer Rick McCallum, editor Ben Burtt and special effects whizzes like Dennis Murren and John Knoll. Both also contained deleted scenes, trailers and TV spots, photo galleries and theatrical posters.

And, in a synergistic show of force, the DVD will drop the same day LucasArts unleashes its latest movie-based videogame, Star Wars Battlefront II on the Playstation 2, Xbox, Windows and PSP platforms. The game allows fans to play out key fight sequences from all six Star Wars films. To tie in the game and DVD releases, Revenge of the Sith will offer consumers access to a special Xbox playable demo of two entire levels from Batllefront II featuring never-before-seen environments taken from Sith.

"The combination of Revenge of the Sith on DVD and Star Wars Battlefront II makes Nov. 1 a watershed day for Star Wars fans. It's really going to be a terrific celebration of the entire saga," says Ward, who also serves as president of LucasArts.

This isn't the first time both a Star Wars DVD and videogame have made the jump to stores in tandem.

Last September, Lucasfilm issued a four-disc DVD box set of the original Star Wars trilogy (with some minor, if controversial modifications) at the same time it put out the first Star Wars Battlefront game.

Rolling Stones set to make 'Bigger Bang' with album & tour

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Mick Jagger is celebrating his 62nd birthday Tuesday with "A Bigger Bang."

The Rolling Stones announced that their upcoming tour and album will bear the alliterative title, which they came up with last year, "reflecting their fascination with the scientific theory about the origin of the universe," according to a statement.

"A Bigger Bang" will be released in the United States on Sept. 6 via Virgin Records, and a day earlier internationally. The North American leg of their trek, which had provisionally been dubbed the "Onstage" tour, begins on Aug. 21 at Boston's Fenway Park.

Next year, the band will play Mexico, South America, the Far East, New Zealand, Australia, and will reach Europe in the summer. No dates have been announced yet.

The album marks the band's first since 1997's "Bridges to Babylon," ending the longest recording break of their 43-year career. It boasts 16 tracks, two less then their expansive 1972 tour de force "Exile on Main Street."

Choices we make Part I of II

What would you do ?

You make the choice Don't look for a punch line. There isn't one. Read it anyway. My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the

natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning.. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield.

Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

Part II

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"

Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled

the bases toward home.

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit

the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the

"appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.

Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help

realize the "natural order of things."

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a

choice:

The Divorce

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour.

The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.

"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He then pushes his luck.

"I want the house," he says insistently.

The car's now up to 60.

"I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies -- in a quiet and controlled voice.

"No, I've got everything I need." She says.

"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.

"The airbag."

Keniko, yea the good ol' daze...lol

mikesb, yes, like my Sir Lord Baltimore, or Cactus days...maybe some Rory's Tatoo'd Lady...,

michelle....75 per hour, unless you do the package deal of 4 hours@50 an hour...

Zinc: Thanks for the laughter and the tears. You had a few superb ones today.....made my day. Sometimes I just get caught up on life and forget what's really important...the people we care about and love. Staying true to your soul is equally important. Share the joys of life and be there for those that have sorrows. "Life's a journey, not a destination". Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. "Sing with me, sing for the laughter sing for the tears" from "Dream On". That one's for you Marcia. ;) Aerosmith ROCKS!!

To my friends in Satch Chat: Thanks for letting me in...... I've never laughed so hard in my life!!! I'm on a mission and I hope to catch up with you on the weekends. I have to work on accomplishing my goals. Hopefully I will get it in gear! I wish I could party with you every night, so much fun talking with everyone!! Didn't know what I was missing all this time. hehe! Take care my friends! I'll see you soon!

Silent Shady: Well, thanks for being honest......I know who my friends are now. Honesty is the best policy. Maybe I won't come back, so you can have it all to yourselves. Happy?

Brother Al: you know i love u........lol! Don't miss me too much! Sorry to intrude where I'm not welcome. I can take a hint.

mari: oh come on mari after all the things we said in chat how can you still not know when we're kidding or not?

Al, it's not just Mari....everyone wants yer arse!!! LOL! Still singin?

Mari, happy to have helped make you laugh!! I imagine we'll be there when you can pop into the chat....no telling what we'll come up with in there next........ lol!!! Have a good week g'friend! And of course, as always, pay no attention to that shady character......

Steven. Man...hard to know what to say to you...I guess just that you need to take care of yourself and get help to kick your addiction..you can't do it alone so reach out. I'll be praying for you to find your way. If I could see you, I'd prolly kick yer arse and hug you all at the same time. Take care...

People in the chat already know this....but I went white water rafting on the Umpqua River last Saturday...it was the BEST thing I ever did other than to go see Joe play live!!! I'm still smiling and happy from it and can't wait to go again in a few weeks....I might need to give up my real job and become a professional guide someday....if you've never been and get the chance, DO IT!!! You won't be sorry!

And today I made a discovery....at the beginning of Hands in The Air, after the intro guitar and right when the drums start, you can hear someone (Jeff maybe??) give a shout!! I never heard it before on my stereo, but today with headphones, there it was!! Just fun....

Is anyone else getting excited about the coming months? We've got a Japan G3 DVD AND a new Joe cd coming out, plus new signature products from Joe......wheeeeehooooo! Things just keep getting better and better!!

JOE!! We love ya!! Looking forward to the future and whatever it brings!!

Silent Shady: Haha!! yes, I thought you were kidding but had to be sure.........in case you were serious. C.Y. A. Cover Your Ass. ;) I took it serious but was hoping you were kidding. I'm not that sadistic.....I bruise easy sometimes. I'm a tough girlie sometimes too! Today I'm a softie!

Joe...I just got off the phone with a guy that works in a music store that you frequent in your neck of the woods (I was trying to track down a guitar), and he said you still give lessons...which I totally don't believe...if so, where do we all sign up?...lol...I'll be on the next flight out...lol